Just a choice for life

He is a few years younger than me. Long ago we were enrolled at the same high school and he gave a good performance at an open stage night. Some of my friends are Facebook friends with him and that’s how his status update ended up on my Wall lately. He announced that he would endeavor on a world trip with undetermined length as he was fed up with The Netherlands. He chose to do it the adventurous way: selling all his Dutch belongings (car, motor, apartment) and leaving with only two suitcases and a guitar. The first months were somewhat planned, but after that he’d just see in which country he would end up. He planned to earn his living by giving guitar lessons. 

He didn’t know when he would come back to the Netherlands, if ever.

Two weeks ago I skyped with one of my best friends, which was a joy as always. It is though uncertain when we will talk again, either on Skype or in real-life. By the time I write this, my friend has left for France. I don’t know exactly how many suitcases she took with her, but they can’t have been more than a few. My friend is 27 years old and she wants to become a sister in a monastic order. The coming year she will spend as a postulant in the countryside, the next two years probably in a larger city and after that she might be sent wherever the order needs her. 
She doesn’t know when she will come back to the Netherlands, if ever.

Both stories are of the kind that make eyebrows raise, voices whisper in disbelief or – if you will – make you get a lot of comments on your FB-status. The choices of these young people are radical and, at the same time, radically different.  

My former school-mate chooses for the ultimate freedom, it appears. Giving and selling almost all his belongings, he isn’t bound to anything he owns, to job meetings, to paying off his mortgage. Life will consist of his guitar, his sweaters and whatever he feels like doing when waking up every morning. My friend in some way did the same. The rest of her life, she will not have to worry about rental contracts, getting her car checked or how to find the best school for her future children.

But while her order is not contemplative and the sisters are very modern, if things go the way they should she will take the vows of obedience, chastity and poverty in a few years. Her life will be the opposite of ‘freedom’ in the way we usually use the word. Someone else will decide where she will live, where she’ll work and she will never be in a relationship again. Only for those who dare to rethink the meaning of ‘freedom’, her choice might make - some - sense. Not having responsibilities like the rent or owning a lot of stuff creates a space in your life – and I guess also in your mind – that might make it easier to focus on the thing that really matters to her, how strange it might sound in many ears, including mine at times: serving God.

But that goes against the grain. Our society – or my FB Wall - often seems to scream: you can do it all! You can have a nice job, a good car and a well-furnished apartment. You can read the latest bestsellers and see the last movies. You can travel the world, study abroad, have many friendships and still call one place home. You can be deeply religious and develop your spiritual life. And actually you could try to do this while volunteering for three charity organizations and finding the perfect partner.

Don’t get me wrong – I am exaggerating. Obviously it is possible to combine a career and a family, to spend one evening in church and another reading that bestseller or to be an active volunteer in a country far away while making friends all over the world or well you name it. However, you can’t do it all. Life is about making choices and in my eyes the stupid thing is that you always have to choose without knowing what would have happened if you opted for something else.

My friend chose in such a way that many options will never become a reality for her again and she knows that. I couldn't do it, like I couldn't go on a world trip with indetermined length. I am left with respect for both of them. And slightly confused.